Telling your spouse you want to end your marriage can be challenging. Even if you are sure it is the right thing, doubts can creep in, or you might feel bad about hurting them.
Learning some of the ways to make the conversation a little easier can help.
Time it well
First, think about the date and how that might affect people. Breaking the news on your spouse’s birthday could cause them to always associate their birthday with the end of their marriage.
Then, think about any upcoming events it could affect. Doing it the day before your children start their high school exams could harm their grades if they find out, for example.
Be safe
If your spouse is violent, consider whether you need to go somewhere safe before telling them over the phone. Perhaps telling them in a public place will be sufficient to reduce the danger. Avoid breaking the news in the car, as the shock of the news might lead to an accident.
Be clear
The primary message you need to get across is that you want a divorce. You can discuss the rest later. You need to be clear that this is the end if that is indeed what you want. As such, it is probably best to use the words “I want a divorce” rather than using softer, indirect terms that your spouse could misinterpret as leaving the door open to reconciliation.
You don’t need to have all the answers when you announce you want a divorce. However, learning more about how you’d like it to play out can certainly help you prepare.